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June 20th, 2006

08:41 pm: Paid Accounts
Damn! All I wanted to do was post a picture in my journal. It was this big rat I shot in the White House basement. I think it was a rat. It was really dark...and it had red eyes...and only the eyes show up in the picture. Well don't ya know that's a paid feature.

How do they expect me to pay for a LJ account? My Halliburton parachute is in escrow. My VP salary is peanuts. And I donate most of the rest to charity. I'm gonna have to just struggle by with a free account for now.

February 14th, 2006

11:39 am: Hunting "Accident"
x-posted on below_topsecret

Hunting accident my ass! I bagged me a lawyer and I'm gonna hang his pelt on the wall in my office.

July 22nd, 2005

10:19 am: If karl_rove happens to come snooping around, you didn't see me, never heard of me, and all you know is I don't frequent this sort of forum.

July 18th, 2005

04:07 pm: I just farted...
...and I caught it in a jar and I'm going to sell it on e-bay. Do you think anyone would buy a vice presidential fart? I could use the extra cash.

July 14th, 2005

11:05 am: Who's the Right-Wingiest Right Wing Nut Job?
Not me. I like to think of myself as a solid Republican without the nut-job part. My choice for the right wingiest, so right it ain't right, nut job is...drum roll...Richard Perle. I hear even his car pulls to the right. He had it adjusted that way at the right-wing nut job alignment center. HAHAHA!!!!

I made a funny. I hate myself for that.

July 13th, 2005

03:11 pm: Karl Rove? Never Heard of Him
Heheh...with all this Karl Rove crap going on, I'm trying to distance myself from the Republican party. Maybe I should start making friends with some Democrats--try to blend in, make some small talk.

God damn Karl! They call you Bush's Brain! You got to be smarter than that. It prolly seemed like a good idea at the time, I know, but hey...no offense man, I can't hang around with you anymore--at least until this blows over.

July 11th, 2005

01:29 pm: Clean Bill of Health for Moi
Yep. The doctors say I can continue to lie, cheat, steal, and be my charming self. My super hi-tech, top secret, arhythmiating, infarction-activated watchamacallit is working just fine. I've been exercising on my bike and walking two miles a day.

That thing implanted in my chest is actually not what's keeping my ticker working. Nope, it's only activated when it detects al-qaeda cells growing in my body or if my heart comes under attack or increases it's alert status.

They should place one in the London subway system.

Correction: Karl says al-qaeda cells cannot grow inside a human body. What does that smarty-pants know anyway?

July 6th, 2005

05:59 pm: War of the Worlds
Went to see War of the Worlds as promised with ratkrycek, angry_ferret, mad_jamison, and my good non-LJ friend Karen.

The limo peeled rubber at about 2:10pm and we got there in time to see all the commercials. I forget which movies they previewed.

War of the Worlds, my friends, is closer to reality than you all think. That's totally on the QT. The little "green" men are already more of a force in the current administration than anyone wants to admit. You didn't hear it from me, but almost every Congressman (and woman) is in their pocket. That's how the alien agenda gets carried out--that and the Presidential orders! This post will be categorically denied if it falls into the wrong hands.

Anyway...it was a really scary movie.

July 1st, 2005

02:40 pm: Dick Cheney is not Evil!!!
I've been reading about myself online. People say bad things about me. It makes me sad. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night.

BAAAAH!!! I'll find them and do bad things to all of them!! I'll piss on their front steps! I'll raise their taxes! I'll write to their local newspapers and say things about them! I'll show them!!!!!

11:20 am: Aaarghh!
The problem is that George requires adult supervision. We're close, but between you and me this shit is getting old and so am I.

Oh and liberals suck! Woohoo!

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